This doesn't make sense just random thoughts in my head

In normal situations a girl can talk to her friends about her new adventures. With this upcoming adventure I'm pretty much stuck in my own head. I try not to glamourize it nor do I want to treat it this like crap.

*What if it doesnt work out?

*What if I'm putting too much hope into one basket?

I hate being nervous.

*Will he find pleasure in me?

Sadly I'm on my cycle so i can't masturbate. I can't cum. Last night I just held my breast, thinking about him....pretending they were his hands.
I constantly wondred how his cock would be in my mouth....i wondered how he'd taste when he cums....I wondered how his lips would feel against mines...I wondered how his arms would feel around me.....

I'm so horrible with communication. i don't want to come off super needy but nor do i want to be this cold person. I dont know what to say or do...All I know is I have this need to please and its driving me insane.

i should go read.